Diary of Julia - 3

"I am not good at this today. I am not good at what I do best today. I have no passion for my passion, I have no life in my moments today. I am completely lost and taken by surprise with all these changes. I am not OK. I am trying so hard to be, I am trying so hard to say Yes to everything that is happening, but my body completely rejected the idea. I tried to give my soul hope and reasons to believe that eventually, it is going to work out. Maybe this way is better. Maybe..

But my heart and my soul are fighting so hard everything. Poor them, they believe they have a shot at making everything back like it used to be. 

The hardest moment is when you realize everything you used to know just faded away. 

\

It is not going to go back to the way it was. There absolutely no way to snap your fingers and make it right. 

  

There is no reason to fight change. If you fight it, you will be taken down by it. I just wish my heart will understand that. I just wish I can just make her feel safe. But she is not safe, I am not safe, and I never was. But at least, it just felt like safety back then .."

   -Diary of Julia (fragments)-