Diary of Julia - 4

"I was so crushed back then. I was just a little girl who was looking for love. I was lost and I had nowhere to go. So I have chosen to go into the wrong arms; that is for sure. So at some point I thought love came to me, finally it just came to me. I thought all the feelings I had, he must have them back for me. I thought that if I will give all of me, I would be happy. But it was not love. It was anything else but love. I may call it weakness, I may call it addiction or maybe I was just in love with the idea of being in love. But back there how was I supposed to know what love was? I finally found a boy who seemed to like spending all of his time with me. And I saw no wrong in that. I just went along with it and I gave it my best. My poor innocent heart bet all in on this game. But you were intoxicating me. Wrong choice? It was, I know it was, but is there anyone who has no wrongs? 

You crushed me under your foot like I was a spider. Or you thought you did. 

I think there comes a moment in every woman`s life when she will give all of herself, and when I say all, I mean her heart, body, mind, soul and feelings to the wrong guy. The wrong guy is usually not a bad person; he is just not good enough. He has no idea of a woman`s worth and he treats girls with no respect. And those men deserve nothing but a kick in the ass. But no girl knows that until she has one of those. 

You were mine.

I regret you. You may be the one thing I regret. 

The only thing I do not regret is that you made me so strong. You taught me what I really deserve. You taught me to independent and to know that there are thousands of men who will be happy just to be next to me in a bus. You were my hardest lesson and I passed it. It was painful, and hurtful and there were broken hearts in the end. Oh, well, it was just my heart that was broken.

But now I am totally different. Thank you for teaching me that the world is expecting my presence and I do not have time to waste with a prick like you."

-Diary of Julia (fragments)-